Losing to Gaining

As I continue to walk toward my goals of weight loss this year after having my third babe I have a lot of goals and expectations for myself. I’ve not lost what I wanted as quickly as I thought. I’ve struggled with nutrition. I’ve slacked off on exercise. I’ve beat myself up thinking to myself if you wanted this you’d do it. The guilt weighing heavy on my shoulders. What I realized the biggest piece to this whole puzzle was my mind.

The inches, the numbers, the calories, the rings on my watch they all don’t move unless my mind is strong. Strength in my thoughts, my beliefs and the way I communicate with myself is the only way to strengthen my legs, my arms, my core. To melt away inches, and see numbers shift. It all starts with a greater shift than the one you can see physically.

You see when I didn’t have children I often tore my body apart, it’s something a lot of us commonly do. We nit pick at flaws that are only seen by us. The reason these flaws are seen by us and not those that see us most is because the flaw does not come from a materialistic feature, it comes from our mind. The cracks in our foundation are not seen on the surface. The negative thoughts we feed our soul our self limiting beliefs we’ve grown, nurtured, and came to commonly believe are deep in our soul. Deep in our mental health. It is not until we exercise that muscle of powerful thinking, let go of those limiting beliefs, and start to fuel our mind with positivity that the rest of it falls in place.

It stems from our brain and it works its way down our spine, we build our backbone, we swallow it in our core and it becomes a seed planted in our soul. When that seed is able to bloom, blossom and thrive that is when the chips don’t score. The cracks break away to show a gem inside the rock that is encased around it.

I’ve been working on this and keeping myself in check with what does losing those inches really mean. A smaller number on the scale what does that really mean. What is the common denominator in the equation?

My body is never going to look the way I see it in my head, in pictures from the past. I’ve carried four babies, I’ve birthed three. My body, this body has held me upright when my mind was broken and anxiety tried to break me. This body that carried four babies, carries three babies flawlessly up stairs, down trails, in rocking chairs when they just need me.  I can do tasks that require two free hands,one handed while holding one or two babes at the same time.  When I think of all the things I can’t, all the things I won’t anymore I shift my thinking to all the things I CAN. All the things I will with this body, just as it is right now. I will be someone’s solid rock, a foundation of ages. Even if I squish and jiggle in places I didn’t know capable.

Back to that common denominator. In the big scheme of losing weight, all it takes to get there what is the one thing I gain from losing. It is health. By losing all the self limiting and self loathing, the self destruction I stand to gain health. Within this shift, there is focus. Sure smaller numbers are great, and smaller clothes fit more comfortably but the real reason why those matter is not just superficial it’s beneficial. Everyone can stand to be healthy.

With this focus, reiterating to myself time and time again that there is no bad food, there is no more guilt trips I’m more motivated to stay on track. It does not mean deprivation and sitting out while my family eats treats. After all I am raising girls who I want to have a positive relationship with themselves and food. It means everything in moderation. It means instead of focusing on what I can’t have I focus on what I can give to my body to keep it healthy and happy.

I’ve stopped counting calories, I’ve started counting colours. Where can I get nourish. What foods can I find that are going to fuel my body right down to the marrow in my bones so I’m able to keep up with my girls today, tomorrow and 10 years from now. The short term pay off and high of the mindless and not intentional eating is great but what does it give my body. At the end of the day, doing what is ultimately good for my body is bigger and better than all the things I’ve been focusing on losing.

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